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I can’t be the only one who’s
found themself with a new bathroom recently. The world has suddenly come alive with the need to rip out those dull old suites
and install a spanking new designer one. The showrooms, adverts and vans seem to crop up all the time, insisting that unless
your house has a state-of-the-art bathroom you’re out of step with the civilised world. Admittedly, some of the showrooms
are inspiring. Whether you want the cool designer feel, the old colonial look or the opulence and grandeur of a Beckham bathroom
the choice, as usual, is huge. Having moved into a property with a recently installed bathroom I can be excused from any mistakes
in the choice of fittings, it was nothing to do with me, just the person who chose and installed it before I moved in. Very
nice it looks too, definitely adding to the appeal of the property. Until you try cleaning it. Oh, and having a wash in the
sink. Unfortunately I get assigned chores from time to time (where did I go wrong?) and the bathroom- cleaning card pops out
of the pack just when I think I’ve got away with it. Never a task to savour, this chore is now promoted to ‘annoyingly
time consuming’ thanks to the idiot who designed the loo. The seat and lid hinges are too close to the cistern so my
ham-fisted attempts to spray and wipe lead to irritated muttering as the process takes longer than the fifteen seconds I had
assigned it. My toothbrush won’t even get into the gaps. I can only get through this mental and physical challenge with iPod assistance these days and my heart
goes out to those whose job involves the cleaning of loos on a professional basis. The real annoyance factor however comes
from merely the innocent use of the sink, presumably for the task for which it was originally conceived. It’s not just
me is it, sinks are designed to hold water aren’t they? It’s just that having filled ours with a suitable volume
of hot water to have a nice wash and engaged in washing away the grime of the day, the water seems suddenly afraid of the
sink and tends to leap out (usually to the left having thought about it). Thankfully it’s a tiled floor so there’s
no carpet to get wet but nevertheless, water shouldn’t jump out like that. Maybe our water is allergic to porcelain.
It’s a round sink with straight flat sides and looks very trendy but somehow the research and development department
must have entered the wrong algorithm in the Wave-O-Matic water current replicator on the day it was devised. Any minimal
sloshing around of the H2O and ‘splash’, another minor reservoir on the bathroom floor. I get accused of being
messy and careless but all I do is have a wash or a shave, it’s not as if I’m trying to reduce the workload of
the plug-hole by reducing the amount of water that goes down it. And that’s another thing; pop-up plugs, how useless
are they? Most specimens I encounter don’t pop-up far enough to let a large volume of water down so you end up waiting
for the sink to empty. It doesn’t sound like much of a hardship but it’s only at times like that you realise how
short life is and that spending even a tiny percentage of it wondering how long the water will take to go down could be slightly
wasteful. Still, it means there’s time to think what to do for tea, or consider the effects El-Nino on the summer TV
schedules.
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